


Tōryanse

by Isadore



Series: Children's Songs [3]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Future Fic, Time Babies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-19
Updated: 2013-05-19
Packaged: 2017-12-12 08:25:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/809429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isadore/pseuds/Isadore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Good. Feeling better is good. Feeling bad in the first place is still bad, though."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tōryanse

They burst into the TARDIS out of breath from running and laughing in relief with what little breath they had left. River shut the doors behind them and The Doctor lunged forward and practically threw himself on top of the console as he piloted them into the vortex. "Well," he started through his giggling, "that was-"

The unmistakeable sound of sick interrupted whatever he might have said next. River was emptying her stomach contents into a rubbish bin he didn't remember being there moments ago. Everything about what was happening was surprising and concerning, and he sobered quickly. "River?" he asked, his tone conveying both his surprise and concern.

Sick continued to heave out of her. His feet finally became unglued and he started quickly towards her. She tried to wave him off, but he was not deterred. He gathered her hair back away from her face as she leaned against the heavy metal bin with her arms. "I'm fine," she finally managed.

"You're not," he argued.

She rolled her eyes- not that he could see. "It's just a bit of sick," she tried to argue back, but she was still out of breath and resting against a rubbish bin. "It's probably that Silurian amuse-bouche I had earlier."

"That's more than just a bit of sick. That's buckets of sick. Did you unknowingly consume blood cheese? Looks like raspberry jam; definitely isn't."

"No, I did not eat blood cheese! The smell alone, honestly, Doctor- only you could mistake blood cheese for raspberry jam." Just the thought of blood cheese made her stomach turn, and she was sick again. Or would have been, if there had been anything left in her stomach.

The Doctor kept holding her hair back with one hand and used the other to rub her back as she dry heaved. Sick didn't bother him. He'd been covered head to toe in star whale sick; this was nothing compared to that. River being sick bothered him. He couldn't remember her ever being sick. "River..." he tried again, his tone gentle.

But she was finished being sick then, and shrugged out of his grip and power walked away from him and up the stairs.

"River!" he shouted then, frustrated. He stomped after her, took the steps two at a time, and caught up with her in a conveniently placed washroom. "Why-"

She turned on the tap in the sink and started filling up a glass. He increased the volume of his voice to be heard over it. "-are you being so difficult about this?"

River didn't answer right away. Instead she let The Doctor stand there and simmer while she rinsed out her mouth and spit in the sink. She set the glass down and traded it for a toothbrush.

"Are you just going to ignore me, then?" The Doctor asked when his frustration bubbled over again.

River slammed the toothbrush down and turned to face him. "While I'm scrubbing sick out of my mouth, yes!" she was equally frustrated with his behavior.

The Doctor huffed, but could see her point. He didn't leave, though. He just crossed his arms and waited.

She rolled her eyes, picked the toothbrush back up and ignored him as she brushed her teeth.

The Doctor started pestering her again the instant she was finished. "Are you going to talk to me now?"

"I told you: I'm fine," she said, then tried to step around him.

  
He caught her arm, and she stilled. "See, your lips say you're fine, but my eyes saw you empty the entire contents of your stomach into that bin, so lying really isn't going to get you anywhere."

"I feel much better now," she tried to assure him and pull away to head further down the hall at the same time.

He didn't let go. "Good. Feeling better is good. Feeling bad in the first place is still bad, though." He tugged on her arm, back toward the console room. "Let me scan you."

"No!" she broke out of his grasp then, incredulous. "Absolutely not!"

"Why not?!" he returned, equally incredulous. "Nobody gets that sick for no reason."

"Silurian food isn't reason enough?" she challenged.

"That's only conjecture. You could be actually ill," he was legitimately worried for her health, and the worry was starting to outpace his frustration. He reached out and took her hand. "Please," he gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

River closed her eyes and sighed. "Fine," she conceded, then opened her eyes. "But I'll run the scan myself."

The Doctor looked visibly relieved. "Thank you," he said with a small smile.

River shrugged in semi-defeat and mirrored his smile. "I suppose it can't hurt." She kept hold of his hand and tugged him along back into the console room. "At best I'll prove you _wrong_ , and at worst the TARDIS will know where to find the cure for whatever alien disease you're sure I've picked up."

"Psasomoni is a melting pot, and a massive trading hub- it's basically a nursery for burgeoning diseases," he told her as he trotted along after her.

"You've made your point, Sweetie," she said as she stopped in front of the console. She pulled herself in closer to him with their joined hands and leaned up to kiss him, but he kept her from coming any closer with a hand on her shoulder.

"Ah, no, you can keep that to yourself until we're sure you haven't got anything that's catching." He released her and bumbled back until he found the seat next to the side control board and sat down.

River just laughed. "Probably too late for that, honestly, not fifteen minutes ago-"

"Don't remind me!" The Doctor cut her off. "I don't want my stomach emptying the wrong way up. Besides that, I can't take care of you if we're both ill."

River laughed at that, too. The Doctor pouted a little- he didn't think the idea of him taking care of her was funny. "I feel fine," she promised again. He could almost believe her this time; this time she was laughing and smiling when she said it. She probably did actually feel better now; impossible woman.

She typed a command into the console and then stood back and watched the screen. She stole a look at The Doctor while the screen proclaimed it was 'analyzing' and raised an eyebrow at him, still smiling. He shrugged his shoulders in return, but smiled back. He hoped she was right. He didn't want her to be sick. He just wanted to make it better if she was.

She looked back at the screen and her smile instantly fell. And if that wasn't worrisome enough, she started to go pale. She shook her head and typed into the console again.

"River?" The Doctor questioned, standing up from his seat to go to her.

River shook her head again and pushed the screen away. She stepped back and sat down heavily on the stairs.

The Doctor sat beside her and put a hand on her knee. "Two extragalactic space flights and a very long walk away from good news?" he tried to tease with his words, but his tone revealed his true concern.

She didn't even laugh sardonically. She looked at him. Her mouth twitched; it looked like she was holding back tears. "I'm pregnant."

The Doctor's hand gripped her knee tighter. He blinked, then continued staring at River. "I... was not expecting that."

"Nor I," River agreed, then turned her face away from him to stare at the console instead.

The Doctor stared at River staring at the console. Then he decided to stare at the console, too. He'd been a father before. He'd loved it, actually. And traveling with his granddaughter had been just that: grand. But circumstances were very different now. There was no Gallifrey. He was a hunted man. Any child of his would be...

"I'm sorry," The Doctor started. "I should have been more careful, I-"

"Don't you dare!" River snapped her head back to look at him and stood up violently. "Don't you dare apologize to me for this!" She stepped back, away from The Doctor. "I don't need your guilt or your mangled feelings of regret! You think I wasn't careful, too?" Her back hit the console and she stopped and crossed her arms. "It should never have happened, but it did."

The Doctor stared at River, then swallowed hard. In his moment of silence, he thought how he might fix this. If he could go back... he followed the timeline a few short weeks back and gasped in surprise at what he found. Something very important. "Can you feel it?"

River cocked an eyebrow, seemingly surprised and confused by both his gasp and the question. She shook her head. "It's too little for that."

The Doctor shook his head, too. "No, not the baby. Time. The way it's moving around you; around our unborn child... follow it back."

She closed her eyes in concentration, but they quickly flew open again. Her mouth opened to speak, but no words came out.

The Doctor spoke for her. "It's a fixed point. It was always going to happen. It always will happen. Can't be undone."

River found her voice. "Were you-?"

The Doctor cut her off before she could finish. "Paradoxes resolve themselves, by and large. I thought I could go back- tell myself to drop you off sooner or be an insensitive prick or get distracted by repairs, but-"

"-I can feel it. That moment stuck the way it is forever. I thought for one fleeting moment about terminating, but-"

"-River-"

"Time Lords regenerate. It never would have worked."

The Doctor nodded. "Our kind never miscarry. Our DNA fixes its own mistakes. On Gallifrey, we had the looms- pregnancy was an unnecessary inconvenience for a species when an embryo can survive outside of the womb from the moment of conception onward. An agonizing existence without the proper equipment, but with the looms..." he considered trailing off and sitting in silence. But babbling was easier. Talking was easier than thinking. Slower.

"Did you know? They remove the uterus from the females while they're still in the loom. So there are no accidental pregnancies- so every child is deliberate. Like everything else on Gallifrey: precise and controlled." He shook his head, willing the memories away.

But they came anyway. "My children did not grow inside of their mother. We chose to make them. The loom grew them until their lungs could function free of fluid and their digestive tract could absorb the nutrients it needed on its own. Eight months on the loom. We could watch them grown. We did. I remember my first child- we called him Tau while he grew- the first time he looked at me while he was still in the loom. I wanted to take him right then; before he could even choose his own name."

"Susan's father."

The Doctor didn't ask how she knew. "She called herself that after Susan Pevensie. Because like Susan was lost to Narnia, so she was lost to Gallifrey. And her family, taken from her." So many memories, and none of them helpful or comforting. His first children had all been deliberate, but none of them had been fixed points.

River put a hand on her stomach and looked down. She blinked, and tears fell. "What are we supposed to do?"

The Doctor stared at her hand; at her middle where their child would continue to grow. The implications that came with the fact that the conception of this child was a fixed point... and they had both been so careful to prevent it. Like the Time Lords on Gallifrey: deliberate. The Universe had other plans.

He stood up and gathered River into his arms; held her tight against his chest. He could have plans, too. "Probably have a good cry, lounge about in denial, cry a bit more, have a rest, and then make a plan. We don't always do the best with plans, but this one could use a good think, eh?" He spoke into her hair, serious even though he sounded like he was teasing. He didn't do serious all too well, and he'd used most of his seriousness up already, but he tried. "I'll do whatever it takes, River," he tried harder.

She held him tighter, blinking tears onto his waistcoat."I know you will, Sweetie. But that doesn't mean it will be enough."

"No, it doesn't," he agreed, then kissed her head. "That's why I've got two bouts of crying planned." He stepped away from her and ran his hands down her arms to hold onto her hands instead. "Come on," he tugged gently, "crying in the shower is best; all the tears mingle in with the water and it's like the whole tiled room is crying with you. Then we can be angry at the universe: throw a few things in denial, yell at the stars. Look, I'm living up to my Time Lord name and planning everything. It's all controlled, see? Then we'll have a rest- maybe even sleep. And then make a real plan, okay? Real planning after emotional upheaval." He walked backward, pulling her with him.

Her face twitched, but she let herself be pulled after him. "I hate you,"she said, perhaps trying to use their usual banter to make light of the situation.

He dropped one hand and took the stairs by her side. "Get in line- I hate me more."

She stopped. "Doctor-"

"Hush now," he tugged on her hand, "I'm getting all the bad feelings out. Emotional upheaval time, remember? Rationality later. This is 'feeling bad in the first place' time so we can feel fine later. Here's a preview for later," he said, then brought his free hand to cup her face and leaned in and kissed her. "Aren't you glad you don't have anything that's catching? I will be glad; I promise you," he kissed her again, long and slow and he could taste the salt of her tears and he could feel the heat of his own as they ran down his face.

She returned his kiss, but then broke it with a sound that was either a laugh or a sob. "You're a good liar, at least." She stepped away from him, but held onto his hand and took a turn tugging him down the corridor.

The Doctor shook his head and fell in step beside her. "One of the best; but not about this. Never about this," he promised, giving her hand a squeeze.

"Never about this," River agreed as she returned his hand squeeze. Two exceptional liars agreeing to the truth. It might have been comical in different circumstances.

The Doctor stopped in front of the door to the bathroom and looked River in the eyes as she stopped as well. "This was meant to happen."

River shook her head. "I never wanted to believe in destiny."

"What about miracles?" And he was The Doctor, then. Hoper of far-flung hopes and dreamer of improbable dreams.

She laughed through her tears. "I'm considering starting."

He smiled as more of his own tears fell. "Me too."

**Author's Note:**

> Lots of conjecture about Timelord society, DNA, and reproduction habits. I'm not sorry. ;)


End file.
